Did having PMA help when I was lying unconscious during my
surgery? Could it have prevented any of the operations, the cancer diagnosis or
other medical complications in the past? The answer is unequivocally no, of
course it couldn’t. It wasn’t even that I smiled as I was told the news,
spurting out positive metaphors for life giving me lemons and just getting on
with it. There were moments of it being shit. Did I have a sense of
self-loathing, of a dam of negativity bursting through every pore in my body? I
certainly did. The important part was to
let it flow and leave the bloodstream and me entirely, before allowing the
positive thoughts in.
I think acceptance is one of the most important things. I
don’t question “Why me?” My immediate thought doesn’t shift to dramatic terms
such as “I will beat the battle” or “Climb the mountain”: at first it’s almost
a casual, all right then that is the way it has to be. It almost sounds too
relaxed, but I don’t believe once you are told bad negative news there is much
more you can do. You have to listen, be attentive and prepare for whatever
might come next. I have left most of my appointments when I have been told bad
news with a reflective silence. My head is a jumble of complications, but it’s
important to breathe, accept the news and try as much as possible to soak in
the moment, as well as the news you have just been given. There is no sign of
positive songs just yet, just a low level hum, as the news processes in your
mind.
Then comes the attempt of logic, trying to make sense of it,
another hurdle one can easily fall down on, but again it’s in those moments a
sense of chill can be so important. What am I going to tell work? How will I
pay rent? It seems so easy to perpetuate these into impossible paths to cross,
but there will be answers. It is in these moments you have to for the first
time try and find positives from anywhere and start building up momentum on
your track of positive thinking.
Once that is done, something that has helped me a great deal
is openness. This may be personal to me but I have always found being open
about what is going on and the situation itself, is another way of it making it
clear to you. Whilst a shared confusion does not give you any answers, it can
almost be reassuring. For me, being told I would have my bladder replaced by
part of my bowel didn’t seem to make sense.
Yet it seemed to be that way when I told anyone. That shared moment,
made me realise that this was strange but that was okay, it was okay to feel
strange about it. I was never going to be able to make sense of it but that was
okay itself, it automatically made me feel better and lead to another reason to
feel better about the situation.
At no point yet have I needed to pull out inspirational
quotes and yet this has built so many key foundations to me being positive and
dealing with it. Another thing is trying to embrace it. I tried not to be
daunted by what was coming. I was lucky that I was given good instruction and
information on my most recent operation. In many cases you may well be heading
into the unknown especially with a new diagnosis, what I try and promote is not
hiding away. Try and hear what is coming at you, the kind of things that can
help. In so many instances knowledge can help, leaving you more prepared and
with reasons to be confident and positive about what lies ahead. With my
condition, Neurofibromatosis Type 1, there is a life of unknowns that is ahead,
but it’s not daunting, I know what can come of it and don’t let those thoughts
dwell for too long. All those things help me lead a happy and positive life,
for there’s no reason for it to hold me back from doing anything.
As well as being open, embracing and soaking in news, I
believe honesty with yourself is a great asset. Does this have to restrict you?
Can you still do certain things? The greatest example for me was last year. I
had a CT Scan, the results of which showed a unusual tumour in my body. They
wanted to do further scans to investigate. This was an example when I wanted to
be negative. On the very same day I found out about the results, I had been
offered a new job. I wanted to shut the doors in on everything, and ask myself,
why me and why now? On a job I had so desperately wanted? I then took a moment.
It was possible the further test results would mean I needed another operation
and time off. But I so wanted to go for it. So I thought positively, and
thought of the best and worst-case scenarios and none of them had to impact me
taking this job. So I phoned them up and asked to meet. I explained the
situation and was open and honest and they understood. They said they would
support me and stood by their offer. On both occasions I was incredibly lucky.
The subsequent scan proved the tumour was benign and I was particularly lucky
to have such good employers to be moving to but it stemmed from positive
thinking. It would have been so easy to reject the job thinking the time wasn’t
right or about what might have happened but in reality, it all worked out. It
didn’t work out because of positive
thinking but from being positive about the situation itself and making the most
of it .
That is the thing with positive mental attitude; it’s about
planting it into the roots and
foundations of everything you do. Its why I lead a positive life, why I believe
I can shine a positive light at difficult situations, I truly believe it has
enhanced my life and made those dark days better and the bad news easier to
process. It certainly doesn’t save lives but it makes them so much better.
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